Things that go BUMP: Monsters that deserve their own movies
Today’s the day! Light the jack-o-lanterns and hang those cobwebs, Halloween is here. Normally we'd say bring on the vampires, werewolves and zombies...but what if we took a bit of a departure from the usual spooky suspects?
Below are some rising stars who we think could really command the screen with their own creature features. Sure, there might already be the odd movie, video game or TV show that has given these beasties their first break into the industry - but we’re talking about big budget blockbusters here, not languishing away in B-Movie obscurity.
1) Stay way from a Vodyanoy with a teapot
Check out those bristles. Image source: Wikimedia Commons
We’re starting strong, with a two-for-one tale involving the Vodyanoy, a water spirit that you’ll often find in Czech, Slovak and German fairy tales. Looking a bit like the Creature from the Black Lagoon’s grandpa, these frog/fish men can be the heroes of their own stories, but more often than not they’ll be depicted drowning unwary victims that swim into their territory (and then keeping the souls of the drowned in porcelain teapots - which is somehow made more awful by how oddly specific it is).
Now we turn our attention to a fountain found in Bratislava (the capital of Slovakia) that’s based on a tale where a “water spirit” or “water goblin” turns a group of boys and the ducks they were farming into stone. Although referred to in quite generic terms, we’re getting big Vodyanoy vibes from the villain of this tale.
So, with a bit of artistic license and some merging of concepts, maybe we can get a creature feature where an angry Vodyanoy turns its victims into stone ducks? Chilling, subversive and hilarious, we reckon Hollywood’s sure to come a knocking.
2) Don't forget your manners around Kappa
"DANGER!! Do not swim or play around here." Image source: Wikimedia Commons
Keeping it aquatic, this famous creature from Japanese folklore has enjoyed a decent amount of pop culture success, but it’s time to hit the big leagues.
These amphibious yōkai demons are often shown to be bipedal, with scaly skin, webbed hands and feet, and a turtle-like shell on their backs. Their most notable feature though is the indent or bowl on their heads that holds water. If this should dry up or be emptied while the Kappa is on dry land, stories say the Kappa will be severely weakened and even serve the person who refills the bowl. How do you empty it in the first place though?
Well it turns out that Kappa are obsessed with politeness, so bow deep and the Kapppa will return the gestures, spilling the contents of their head-bowl-thingy. With that little nugget of info, our screenplay’s all good go go, in which a disenfranchised street tough meets a Kappa and learns the importance of good manners and proper decorum. It’ll be heart-warming stuff.
3) Visit Florida and get a whiff of the Skunk Ape
It's all about branding. Image source: flickr.com/tirch
Part skunk, part ape, all cryptid. A cryptid is “an animal whose existence or survival is disputed or unsubstantiated,” such as the Yeti or the Loch Ness Monster, but we feel that the Skunk Ape isn’t getting the recognition he deserves.
Also known as the “Swamp Cabbage Man” or “Swampsquatch,” this cryptid can be found wandering the swamps of Florida - and it’s in Florida that the Skunk Ape has found a new niche too: because of the current pandemic, several Florida businesses have used the Skunk Ape's reported foul smell as a metaphor to promote social distancing. Maybe this guy doesn’t need a movie deal after all. It sounds like there’s a bright future in public affairs just waiting to happen for our fragrant friend. Watch this space.
4) Have a conversation with a Mimick Dog
Next year's hottest pet. Image source: Wikimedia Commons
During Medieval times, Mimick Dogs (or Getulian-dogs) were said to exist in North Africa and Europe. Think a mix of greyhound and Samoyed, with the face of a hedgehog thrown in for good measure.
These frankly adorable sounding beasts could apparently mimic human speech, behaviour and motion to such a degree that royalty would pay handsomely to see a Mimick Dog do its thing in person. Transplanted to a modern day setting, we’re imagining a Ratatouille type situation, where a fast talking Mimick Dog helps a shy graduate dominate the world of big business. Call us Disney.
So if you see any of these creatures on a big screen near you, remember, you saw it here first! Head over to Facebook, Twitter or Instagram and let us know what monsters from myth, legend and folklore you think deserve a turn in the spotlight.Animals, Film, Halloween, History, Horror, List, Weird & Wonderful, World